Even the most stress-resistant people can periodically leave themselves, giving the will of emotions and even accumulated aggression. About those who can hardly control and do not need to speak at all, such people are forced to annoy much more often. And even though the emotionality of each person is a strictly individual factor, it is still much better to learn to control their emotions or at least not to allow irritation. This will allow you to not spoil relations with other people, and keep health, which can be considered even more important reason.
If you decide to understand how to stop angry and irritate even in situations, when all the surroundings provoke a similar reaction, as well as to control its emotions, then 6 proven methods will help you. They are the embodiment of theory and practice, which is tested by time and many people. №1 - Learn to think positively Any expression of irritation or even aggression is just a reaction to various factors. Someone can be extremely violent, and others ignore the object or irritant at all. Nevertheless, those people who are positively configured, much easier to restrain the anger even in cases where the breakdown is almost guaranteed. The fact is that positive thinking significantly changes the look at any external stimuli and they are not so important to lose control due to them.
Moreover, positive thinking contributes to the development of empathy and understanding, which is even better to assess the situation and other people. In this case, it is fairly easy to stop angry and irritate, not even attaching any effort to this. №2 - you can not be good for everyone If you realize that it is impossible to be simultaneously good for everyone and everyone, it will learn how to control yourself and your emotions much faster. In fact, there is no single person who would satisfy everyone. In this case, irritation becomes an absolutely natural reaction to actions, words and actions of other people, especially if they do not cause you respect.
Therefore, instead of trying to be good for everyone, feeling constant irritation with failures, it is better to focus on the most important and loved ones. Although for some, this method may seem rather cruel and antisocial, psychologists recommend to carry out a clear line between close people and all others. In such conditions, if it is not possible to completely get rid of the manifestation of irritability, then at least it will be possible to put priorities correctly. №3 - disguise irritability It is quite obvious that according to a single click of fingers, at least one person is unlikely to get rid of irritability. Therefore, while you learn to control yourself and your emotions, so as not to spoil relations with other people, learn how to hide negative emotions. At a minimum, this will allow you to maintain relationships with loved ones, friends, colleagues and so on. Later, when you can better manage your emotions, such an approach will allow you to not lose many relationships with important people for you.
It is also very important to understand the difference between closure, secrecy and disguise. If the first two items should be avoided, then the usual disguise of your reaction will allow not to block firewood. For example, if a new neighbor or neighbor annoges, you can simply not show the mind and try to ignore the object of irritation as much as possible. №4 - Do not impose your opinion and review your expectations Probably, it is almost the easiest way. Want to know how not to irritate people? Stop demand and expect from them what you want. It often happens so that we ourselves inspired in other people a lot of labels and expect certain behavior or actions from them, although they have a completely different opinion on this matter. Therefore, it is important not to try to demand from other very much. If something goes wrong or will happen, contrary to your expectations, at least you can avoid losing control over yourself or manifestations of negative emotions. №5 - Get new emotions and avoid stagnation You probably could see how even the most balanced and sustainable people over time came out of themselves. They became irritable and fell on others even on trifles. Very often, the like that happens when a person does not receive physical and emotional discharge and simply begins to "boil" in his problems.
Find your favorite hobby, do sports, try to easily get out of nature or even the usual walk in the park. You can check that even the usual running in the morning will make you more resistant to problems that have previously forced to be nervous and worry. №6 - Watch yourself from A lot of problems in the social sphere will disappear when people begin to watch themselves from the outside. It is especially well helps when you overestimate your usual behavior and reactions to other people, situations, etc. Analyze what annoys you and why it happens like you look, when you lose self-control, what are constant stress and experiences and so on. Simply put, learn how to look at yourself and it will allow you much better correct what you do not suit you.
We continue to engage in the book D. Berns "Good well-being: new therapy of moods." Briefly about what we already know how:
1) understand the causes of laziness and methods of struggle
2) determine the reasons for our bad mood and a simple method of improving it
Now proceed to the study of your anger, irritability.
To begin with, it would be nice to determine how close this problem is close to you. The irrigation coefficient can be calculated using the Navako scale (short and long test options can be searching on the Internet, for the Lene League here or the online version here.
Ordinary The method of combating angrily only two:
1. Ship it in yourself
2. Throw it out
First method - Single gentle mode for others, however destructive for us. Aggression, accumulated and held in herself, may not be proven cause of depression and other mental disorders, however, it is clear that nothing is good.
Second way However, too, never a panacea - maybe "Cleaning" and immediately deriving negative emotions, giving an evil will, and you can feel healthy, but the effect is hardly lasts long: such a style of behavior, if it is constant, will quickly destroy your social Life - hardly the surrounding will be delighted with the fact that you constantly break into them.
Both options are unsuccessful However, there is an alternative: stop generating anger at all. And for this, first of all, you need to learn to understand when aggression is useful, and when it is harmful to you.
A visual illustration of how tea bag can raise us.
So, what and who is us angry?
Surely anyone who at least once experienced anger and irritation (that is, in general, any person on Earth, which has reached more or less conscious age), will answer: surrounding people, their words and actions. Stupid, sharp, untimely. This is so obvious.
But how is it really?
Each of us is confronted daily with many potentially stressful, unpleasant situations, with failures and errors. That is why it is necessary to remember and understand: no one is never able to upset you except you.
Your mood depends solely on how you yourself interpret everything that happens around. It all depends only on your own reaction and point of view.
I think everyone is clear why it is necessary to foreshadow and prevent anger attacks. After all, it is much easier to control himself, keeping mind clear than then rapid the consequences of incontinence.
Actually, what distorts our knowledge
1. Labels - This is an incorrect perception that causes unreasonable indignation and feeling of false (!) Moral superiority.
How easy it is to attribute imaginary opponent in the category of complete, nothing senseing in the life of idiots (and it is even at best) when we are annoyed. Easy it is easy, but how true is the other question. Moreover, such behavior only strengthens the conflict, and we risk starting to accuse the interlocutor in everything without parsing, from our own problems to mortal sins.
IMPORTANT: Loss of objectivity gives your imaginary enemy to use the same testers of struggle, and this will only aggravate the problem and lead to the final transition to the personality.
Often it is just a war for self-esteem (reaction to criticism, disrespect, disagreement, etc.), which returns us to the statement set out above: The only one who is generally able to humiliate us - we ourselves .
2. ignorance of prior - This is an explanation of other people's actions in such a way that is convenient for us. Such conjectures are often absurd and extremely far from the truth, and what good can happen with this situation? Especially if they are built on justified exclusively by our same irritation of stamps and labels: "She is stupid", "he is the same as that", "they are uncompatible children."
This also includes hasty and unreasonable conclusions. This often sin girls: "You do not do that, then you do not love me." Familiar?
3. Exaggeration - It is to give too much events to any event. From how important something important to us, it depends on how much we are experiencing about this.
For example, the feeling "is another minute and I will begin to kill," when we are somewhere late, and there is no you needed anything, something that it is impossible to change, there should be no mood. What to make and wind yourself?
4. "One could" - This is an irritation arising when people do not do what we need. When something inconvenient or disagreeable has already been done or happened when circumstances are not in our favor and violate plans, when everything that we do is indignant and in a circle we chase thoughts like "it should not have happened, they should not have been. .. ".
If something went wrong, then whether it is not better to collect and resolve the problem that has arisen, instead of accuse the people around you, even if it seems to you (!), What are they really very, very guilty? Anger has never yet brought practical results to anyone.
IMPORTANT: Irritation is based on belief that all of our desires will definitely come true, but you need to remember that this is not so, at least because other people are free to act, as they want.
However, under certain circumstances, malice may even benefit. It remains only to figure it out when. Here are the following two points with this.
1. My anger is aimed at the one who constantly and consciously hurts others?
2. My anger is useful? Helps in achieving the goal? Does it harm her?
And finally, again, for consolidation, 7 rules you need to know (remember) about your malice
one. Anger and irritation cause only human thoughts , respectively, he can take these emotions under control.
2. Malice almost never brings practical results And does not improve well-being.
3. Irritation and cornition causes an incorrect interpretation of what is happening , distortion in knowledge.
four. Evil - the result of the feeling of injustice and the key in the awareness of illusiveness of the feeling of injustice - In the ability to look at the world with other people's eyes and sympathize .
5. Because of the different system of moral values, people hurt each other, harm and inconvenience, however You need to fight this not aggression (since it only leads to a response angry or protection), and Positive assessment system .
6. Your plans, desires or views on the world are subjective and are not laws, and therefore resonate and easier to change not the world around, but himself and your expectations and attitude .
7. You will not become insensitive without anger , but, on the contrary, find that life is much more fun and more productive than it seemed to you.
[Practical methods will be described in the next post.]
Anger is an uncontrollable force that captures us and makes or say that we are able to make anger in the usual condition leads to adverse consequences, both physical and emotional. In the end, it will make you respond to the situation impulsively and irrationally, which can jeopardize your personal and professional relationships.
If you ever talked something bad or shouted to someone, and then felt like an asshole, you know exactly what I'm talking about. But do you know how to let go of anger?
Fortunately, you can learn to get rid of anger and pain. In this article, we describe 19 strategies in detail, which will help you cope with this emotion to a healthy way, which will help you grow as a person. You will learn to let go and move on.
Why repeated anger can be a dangerous habit
Many studies bind anger and insult with heart disease and hypertension. The physical energy that anger takes away from us may have long-term side effects, such as high blood pressure and stroke.
To start the process of getting rid of anger, it is important to understand why you are first angry. Anger is a secondary emotion (or replacing emotion), which we use to avoid primary emotions, such as fear, vulnerability or pain.
There are many reasons why we can experience pain, for example, physical or emotional violence from a partner or parent. You are angry not only experience, but also your mental process.
Memories can cause anger, assumptions and interpretation of the situation that can make people think that someone wants to harm them. These distorted thinking models can jeopardize any of your relationships and lead to what you will suffer from excessive stress. Although anger is the natural emotion that everyone experiences, it is often manifested in the form of an undesirable and irrational feeling.
You can learn how to let go offense.
The good news is that this habit of anger can be reversed, and you can learn how to get rid of the insult. Chronic feelings of anger - a scientific trait.
You can develop chronic anger if you rose in a hostile atmosphere and often became victims of someone else's angry behavior in the past, or if you were somehow rewarded for your anger (for example, fear of peers for hooligan behavior in childhood).
Some ways to begin to reversal these feelings - to realize your anger, prepare yourself to respond differently in the future, take action by contacting help to manage your emotions, and then save your new image of thoughts.
There are many exercises and research related to the holidays of anger. This is a permanent task that requires discipline and changes in perspective. This is a difficult process, and it often requires considerable external support. Here are some strategies that need to be considered to start letting this secondary emotion.
1. Recognize the source of your wrath.
Admit when you are angry, and try to determine the cause. Is the reason for something that you can change or control, or is it not in your hands? In addition, whether your anger is called by someone who you will never see, for example, for example, the seller in the store?
It is important to realize, because anger that you experience when communicate with people close to you implies constant interaction. To cope with these situations, the best strategies that need to be implemented is the way out of the situation, relaxation, restructuring your thoughts or the expression of your wrath right in a calm and suitable tone.
Another way to recognize the source of your wrath is to take a step back and evaluate your life. Do you expect you to find yourself at this stage? It is possible that you are experiencing accumulated disappointment, because your life does not match your expectations or you do not meet the standards that, in your opinion, other people expect from you.
Unhealthy relations and past experience are also a common source of wrath. When one person often feels vulnerable or past pain in relationships can lead to anger to hide this pain. If you can define a past experience that continues to negatively influence your life, you will have to face this situation in the forehead so that you can let them go.
2. Practice Relaxation techniques.
Using simple relaxation strategies can help you calm your evil feelings. If you often practice these strategies, you will find that it is easier to resort to them when you feel angry. It is important to find out which methods are best suited for you to help you think better.
For example, many people enjoy aromatherapy to relax. Do you use essential oils in a bath or in a diffuser, this is a great tool for removing stress and relaxation that is easily accessible. Another common technique is to listen to soothing music. It can help you distract from the current situation and reorient your thoughts.
Practice of awareness is another very effective method of relaxation.
3. Take a little time to yourself.
It is important to understand when it comes time to pay a minute to yourself. If you do something or talk to someone and feel that anger is growing, just take a pause. Leave and spend a few minutes to get together with thoughts and release negative emotions. Spend this time to think about how you want to answer before talking.
The timeout will not allow you to say something out of anger, which you will regret later. Find a quiet and peaceful place in case you need a break. Think about some things that you could do to cool at this time, such as slow, deep breathing and realuity exercises.
After your wrath is subsided and before returning to the situation, think about what you say when you return. For example, if you talked with someone, express your appreciation for understanding and thank it for the opportunity to calm down.
4. Daily exercises.
Physical education class is one of the most effective ways to reduce anger and stress. Exercise gives you the opportunity to free your emotions, so a walk or run every day can help you calm down in general. Exercises can also help increase endorphins emissions in your body, which naturally will make you feel better and reduce the level of stress.
Search for a healthy hobby, such as exercise, will remove the tension, since your mind will become busy. Try a few things until you find what you like to do. It will help you to relax from the usual routine and increase self-esteem.
5. Find healthy solutions.
Instead of focusing on what caused your anger, work on finding a solution to this problem. Instead of staying evil, do something with it. For example, your spouse is late for dinner every night? Instead of looking at this drama every night, find a suitable solution. You may plan to plan food at a later evening, or you can coach for food yourself at certain evenings.
You must recognize things that are outside your control, and understand that you cannot change them. Knowledge that you can control will allow you to use your limited energy in the most efficient way. The time you spend on reflections and attempts to change the situations outside of your control can be spent on what you really control it, which will allow you to achieve progress.
6. Do not hold offense.
Hurting has more consequences for your health than for another person. They not only absorb your energy, but also make your emotional state toxic.
Even if you were offended on legal grounds that most people have, try to take an empty point of view, and not to behave like a victim. The forgiveness of thoughts will allow you to better sense control and reduce the reaction to physiological stress, which will help reduce your anger.
7. Practice forgiveness.
Forgiveness may look different for everyone, but usually it includes the adoption of an active decision to release offended feelings and thoughts about revenge. As soon as it is done, your anger will no longer exhausate your energy, and you can gain peace of mind.
Behavior that hurts you can always be with you, but forgiveness will free you from control over the incident or man who caused you harm. When you are able to forgive someone else, you do not do it for the sake of it. Rather, you do it to restore control over your life and move on. This does not mean that you have forgotten or apologized for harmful behavior, but it will bring you a little peace.
8. Control your anger.
You need to learn to control your anger before it starts to control you. To do this, admit when you are angry, and remind yourself that you can overcome it. Remember that the feeling will not last long, and it will become so bad how much you will allow.
The logic of our emotions does not always make sense. For example, if parents were offended in childhood, and you still keep this anger, being adults, and wait until someone else fixes it for you, you will never cope with it. Realize what should own your anger to move on. You are the only person who controls your feelings.
9. Talk to the other.
Contact a reliable friend who, as you know, will pay you all your attention. Describe them your anger and disappointment, and get their feedback. Often, when a friend knows you well, he can give you the best advice that can fit into your life. A good friend can rethink the situation for you and make it see her in a different light.
Sometimes you just need to talk to someone who can listen. For example, ask your friend, can you talk for five minutes ... And then give yourself only five minutes. Pay attention to the number of times you repeat are likely to find what you do it often to emphasize. Set the restrictions to be brief, sort out your thoughts and focus on solving.
10. Repeat positive statements.
Repeating anger is a statement. You need to replace these negative statements on positive. You can think so as to create a negative mental atmosphere, or you can think to help create a healthy atmosphere for you and people around you.
Tell yourself that you are under control, and no one can make you feel worse. It will help you calm down if you start feeling that you are angry. Learn to practice both real and future statements so that you can use this technique to prevent anger and cope with him at the moment when he arises.
11. Express yourself in the diary
Writing in the diary about your anger is one of the most effective ways to express and understand your feelings. Thanks to the letter, you can thoroughly treat your thoughts.
After you have identified the root causes of your wrath, you will have the control required to analyze your answers. A letter about your anger will help you to extract lesson from it and take positive actions to protect yourself in the future, increasing your self-awareness.
Some people prefer to draw what they feel instead of writing it with words. It is also an effective diary method. Draw what your anger looks like, and manifest yourself creatively to help yourself move on.
12. Change your environment.
Sometimes your immediate environment causes you irritation. Problems can begin to burden you and make feel in a trap.
Elements in your environment can make you more prone to anger. For example, if you find that in the morning you are often angry when you hurry and try to lift the mood for all day, try to find a way to reduce this stress on the eve of the evening so that you can alleviate your burden in the morning.
In addition, if you had bad relationships, avoid doing something that reminds you of a person who has caused you pain. You may have to find alternative routes to work or to school to get around the areas that remind you of this person, and recreate your routine to avoid negative thoughts.
13. Become more conscious.
Improving self-consciousness can help you prevent anger appearance. Awareness of their false beliefs requires introspective work, including the development of skills to pay attention to their mind and analyze some of your negative thoughts. As soon as you realize what causes your anger, you can apply your methods to change the dynamics that occurs in your mind and causes your emotions.
If you are able to accept yourself and avoid the mentality of the victim, the results of your identity practice can lead to constant changes. Becoming aware of yourself, you can define the main elements or feelings that cause your anger, such as fear or pain.
Can you remember the experience when you laughed at something that drove you crazy? This moment can be transformational, because humor heals and gives strength. If you can laugh at something, you can get power over it, instead of allowing him to have power over you.
If you can not find any humor in the situation that you are angry, consult things that you know will make you laugh, and immerse yourself in this positive attitude. For example, you can watch a funny movie or video or meet with a friend who always makes you laugh. This is a good way to change your thinking and distract from everything you are angry.
15. Make a deep breath.
Intended deep breaths will make you calm down. Stop what you do, and take a deep breath, delay for five seconds, and then exhale. This will help you to take a moment before reacting to something irrational.
For example, imagine that someone simply cut you into a traffic jam, and you can feel angry. Instead of reacting immediately, pay a minute in deep and intentional inhabitants. This will give your body a chance to calm down and take time about how you react.
16. Use the voltage tool.
Means for removing stress and toys can be used as preventive measures or at the moment to reassure you. If you can focus on something that you play, or send your aggression to the physical object, you can reduce your feelings of anger.
If you feel that you need something to squeeze to free your aggression - the stress ball is great for keeping it with me in a bag or in a car so you can take it at any time and use.
17. Avoid a person who hurts you.
If possible, avoid contact with a person who has caused you pain. Instead, surround yourself by people who raise you and give you the opportunity to feel good. Take your emotions under control, not allowing other people to influence them, and avoid the presence of people who are trying to negatively affect your feelings.
After unsuccessful experience, avoid saying "never" and "always." Instead, try to isolate your bad experience and realize that absolutes do not exist. Of course, something can happen more than once, and you want to admit it, but the use of words, more than ever, is not a rational way of thinking.
18. Be persistent.
Being confident is an important communication skill, which is very different from aggressiveness. When you are persistent, you clearly express your opinion and defend your point of view, still respecting the beliefs of other people.
Assembly communication can help you conquer respect for other people and raise your self-esteem. It shows that you are sure about what you are talking about, and ready to defend our positions, while maintaining composure.
It can help reduce stress, because you will know what you clearly expressed our desires or needs to other people. To start being energetic, learn how you mean, and keep in mind what you say.
19. Do not worry on trifles.
Have you ever noticed that you refuse happiness for minor inconveniences that are outside your control? Your happiness largely depends on your ability to let go of things and understand that you can and cannot control. When something happens, your initial feelings of anger are natural and inevitable, because they are created by chemical reactions in your body. But these chemicals last about six seconds. All that happens after that is related to your own decision to reflect.
Let the little things go. If someone got up in front of you in line, do not worry because of this minor event. Instead, focus on good things in your life. Let your happiness to overcome your light disappointment.
It is clear that the holding of anger affects you both mentally and physically. The steps listed above are an excellent start to start the process of "vacation" and get rid of pain.
You can start changing your wrath of anger, making little steps every day. Keep the mental image of how you feel relieved when you learn to let this restrained emotion.
Instruction " Useful tips for every day "It is a practical guidance on your actions during the day.
Collection of the most relevant practical advice and instructions for the use of psychological instruments.
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No one likes irritable and evil people. Especially during the period of exacerbation: when they explode, scream and nervous. It is said that such a character. But all of us are not perfect! And if you avoid communicating with someone because of his explosive traits, then maybe some avoid you for the same reasons.
Everyone has a tendency to some extent to show aggression and anger to others. This can occur spontaneously or as a result of the overflow of the bowl of your emotions. Perhaps in some situation and you were not kept, letting the whole accumulated negative into the world. For some time it takes you. But subsequently by those people who were lucky to witness your explosion, you will be perceived by an irritable person. How to deal with irritability and anger? How to get rid of the insult, inner aggression and anger per person?
Awareness of the problem of irritation inside
In addition to the occurrence of anger and irritation, it would seem, in a flat place, try to ask yourself a few questions:
- Is the person guilty to the fact that you are annoyed? Perhaps the interlocutor simply cannot correctly formulate his idea and does not want to upset you at all. Try to listen and understand what the person wants to convey to you, who, as you think, offended you. It is better than to immediately break and translate communication into a negative channel.
- Will the reason not lies in you? Increased irritability can be a protective reaction if you are very uncertain in yourself.
- What do you want from conversation? Do you like when in response shout and angry? Because this reaction will be at the interlocutor for your irritation: the negative generates a negative. Would you like this?
How to get rid of envy and enlost to people?
The main thing is that with the help of the emission of negative emotions of anger and anger you will not get the desired result. This method of expression of thoughts leads to the interruption of sincere and real communication. After all, what is said, not to return, and in an irritated state you can talk a lot of supic things. Therefore, you need to learn yourself to control. Here are effective advice, how to stop being evil and never to irritate people.
6 tips of psychologists to manage anger and offend
Learn to think positive
Most often, irritation and anger is just a reaction to external factors. Depending on the type of human nervous system, such reactions may be stronger or weaker. But here it is important to attitude a person to such stimuli.
If a person is not important or he does not consider some objects as important to spend their nerves on them, then they will not call irritation.
If a person relates positively to life and others, it can be called a lot less things than, for example, a pessimist. After all, positive thinking changes the views on life, and maintain control over emotions with a positive approach is much easier.
In addition, a person with positive thinking is more inclined to empathize and understand the feelings of other people. Understanding the point of view of others gives a better understanding of the situation, and in case of understanding the motives of others, it is much easier to stop angry.
Can not be good for everyone
We are not perfect, but it is not required. Many people can really cause our behavior our irritation. Unfortunately, being explosive and aggressive person, it is very difficult to immediately change.
To facilitate their lives, it is necessary to understand that it is impossible to be good for everyone. And if you think about that not everyone calls you the same respect, it is not necessary. Therefore, for starters, try to be "good" for loved ones and important to you. That is, try to control yourself at the maximum and not to throw out negative. If your attempts to completely get rid of irritability and are not crowned with success, then at least put the priorities correctly.
Perhaps this approach seems a little antisocial, but it will definitely improve your life, you will no longer feel evil and irritable.
Of course, just wishing it to get rid of the negative feature will not come out. To learn to control your emotions and their manifestation, you need time. In the meantime, you are in the process of training control over yourself Try to learn how to mask your negative attitude to others. This will allow at least no worsen relationship with other people's relationships and keep them with close people. When you learn how to manage the manifestations of your wrath, this approach will allow not to lose a large number of relationships with important people.
It is also desirable not to confuse the concepts of closetness and secrecy with disguise. The presence of such a character trait as irritability is not worthy, this is a fact. But it's not worth closing in yourself because of this.
Such tactic is able to worsen the situation. But the masking will help reduce your negative contribution to the world. If you can not communicate with your new colleague or client without irritation, then try not to show it. If such a behavior at first it is very difficult for you, then try to ignore a person who annoys. You can simply convey a colleague for your client's perception.
Do not impose your opinion and review your expectations.
The reason for your rejection of some person can be both his own feature and your perception of the situation. If in the first case we are talking about the incompatibility of people, then in the second you can easily change the position of things.
Think why does he infuriate you so when talking? What exactly annoys you? Often it may be the failure of your opinion on some reason and the inability to prove that you are right. And you thought why suddenly a person should agree with you? Like you, he has the right to his point of view.
Try to understand this and not to impose your opinion around your opinion. It is better to let this energy in the productive track: do something useful or organize at least a rest.
In addition, our expectations may be a reason for irritation. Moreover, incomplication is often called unreasonably overestimated expectations from humans. You yourself came up with yourself and think that a person must behave with you that way. And he is completely different and his goal, and he should not fit your fantasies at all. Do not demand too much from people, and it will reduce the level of your irritability at times.
Get new emotions and avoid stagnation
The ability and ability to control their emotions also depends on the state of the nervous system. And if a person does not rest for a long time, it does not receive a physical, nor emotional discharge, then he simply has no strength on self-control. You probably have ever seen as the most, it would seem, balanced people were out of themselves. This happened precisely because of long-term tension and fatigue.
Instead of constantly "boiling" in their problems, try more often: Select with your friends to nature, find your interesting hobbies, do sports.
Instead of irritate on trifles, spend more time with your child, husband or native people. Even regular walks in the park will significantly increase your stress resistance.
Watch yourself from
Analyze your behavior and its reasons. Why do you annoy, for what reason react so sharply on certain people, how does it look like, why are you in constant stress and increase it with your behavior? Many problems often goes simply after a person looks at himself on the side.
That is, learn to see yourself from the side and it will give the opportunity to correct what you are not satisfied.
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Anger, irritation and an outbreak of anger can cause anything - including the keys that cannot be found on the bottom of the bag, or stupid comments in social networks. Or you refuse to the deserved (in your opinion) increase. Or, for example, you are late for work - and suddenly the child sheds freshly squeezed orange juice on a white and rejected shirt. All this is very infuriated. On the one hand, tested anger - it is quite natural, it is basic emotion. On the other hand, relatives are suffering from your inconsistency, and indeed it is constantly raging - it is hard. At the request of "jellyfish", a candidate of psychological sciences and an expert in the field of emotional regulation of Alena Prihidko explained what to do if you often embrace anger, you are not able to control yourself and break into others (and you want to cope with it).
if you Like mound , postpone this instruction and better read about censorship in Facebook or an investigation into how Igor Gull's business partners receive public money for making Muscovites go to paid toilets.
So, everything annoys you - and first of all it is annoying that
Quiliency may depend on both congenital features and from acquired. In any family there are so-called emotional response patterns: in childhood we learn to control ourselves, watching adults - through imitation and identification with parents or loved ones. If the elders allowed themselves aggression, then the child can learn how to express their feelings with scream and fists. Restraint in principle Social skill: Someone learns to manage their emotions (for example, evaluating the consequences in advance), and someone cannot cope with them. Or does not want. In addition, anger is the emotion of a socially privileged person: the boss can express anger to the address of the subordinate, but not vice versa. With parents and children the same. If you feel that you have problems with anger control, and want to fix it - consider the first step already made.
Analyze your triggers
Triggers are situations, people, thoughts that cause you sharp emotions. For example, for parents, disobedience of a child becomes the most frequent trigger. The traditional model of the family and education of children implies that the child should obey the parent in everything. If this does not happen, parents feel that their authority is undermined, - and this eventually causes anger and aggression. Especially if the experience of her own moms and dads was before the eyes, who solved controversial issues with cry or even physical punishments. Or someone can absolutely not to endure late: if your friend is delayed (never happened, and here again!), You literally begins to shake. Anger arises where we are not all the same, - and where we are especially sensitive.
Therefore, you need to study your triggers - to prepare for the situation in advance. For example, if you know that your friend is constantly late, you can take a coloring book with you if she calms you down. Or turn on the time for waiting for music that raises you mood. In addition, remember that any actions have its own reason - even in chronic desemination or unwillingness to do lessons.
Get ready to flash anger
The famous saying says: I would know where he fell, straw would unstill. To the fact that you will get angry, you need to prepare in advance: think about how to remind yourself that it is necessary to stop and do not dive into the emotional funnel. Imagine how to pour hot coffee into a large cup: you are pouring, pour, pour - and in the end he is poured through the edge right on your bare leg. It hurts, offensively and need to eliminate the consequences. That would not happen if you watched your actions and stopped on time. But for this you need to be attentive to your feelings, know the size of the cup and the temperature of the drink. So with angrily.
If you know in advance, in what situations you can experience it and in what situations you can cope with you, then you will be much easier to stop it at the very beginning and exhale. And then the breakdown will not happen. Signs of the approaching outbreak of rage can be different: someone is starting to shrink fists or the neck warms, someone feels that it intercepts breathing. Watch it, remember what is happening with you - and then it will be easier to cope with the pulse.
Change your thought
Emotions, including anger, are directly related to thoughts. It may be thoughts about how terribly offended you, or that life is in principle unfair. The creator of dialectical behavioral therapy Marsha Linekhan offers the metaphor of Teflon Consciousness. Imagine that your consciousness is like a Teflon Skin, with which even the remains of the burnt scrambled eggs are easily sculpted - right in the garbage. And now bad thoughts elude, and you peacefully drink coffee, which has not shimmer from the cup. No matter how tired of recently the word "awareness" (or mindfulness) is exactly her.
It is interesting and useful to look even deeper and deal with what your values are in principle affect your anger - what role it plays in your relationship with other people. Our emotions are functional: angry by a person, we are trying to convey to him that his behavior is unacceptable for us. Think exactly how it can be explained by this without anger? Most likely, it turns out that the same goals can be achieved a much less aggressive way.
Use surrounding items for peaceful purposes.
In the attack of anger, we often want to run something to the wall or even in the one we are angry. Throwing the plates, scatter things or beat the pillow - the classic of the unrestrained manifestation of anger. In fact, these are aggressive actions that can only recharge your anger.
To calm down, you can use the surrounding items or stop words. Specialist in emotional regulation, Professor Stanford University James Gross calls them "helping elements." For example, in the film "Harrow Management" the hero of Jack Nicholson, a psychotherapist, taught his clients at the time of the acute anger of the Naraspev to pronounce the strange word "Gu-Usfrab". "Gu-Usfra-A-A-Aba", "Customers sang and gradually calmed down: this nonsense was associated with their psychotherapeutic group, gave a pause and moved the bridge between the anger and the ability to take himself in hand.
Suppose you know how difficult it is to bed to sleep, - but you do not want to raise your voice or punish them. Not only the rules in relations with children will help, but also work on themselves. For example, you can hang on the wall print in the form of frontal brain shares (which are responsible for managing emotions) and write on it: "Quiet! Take care of neurons! " Or, for example, for some reason annoying a colleague. Put the postcard next to the computer with the inscription "Breath" - and every time you will rush anger, you will remember that you need to ride - for example, at the expense of ten. Finally, it is important to remember that anger is the emotion necessary for the attack, so the physical activity helps to cope with it.
Do not try to "find out the relationship" during a quarrel
If you want to talk to a close man about anger, it is better to do it before you "suffered." You can tell you that you are upset or annoying and what you would like to change. Maybe you have ideas like - or you want to find the way together. Try not to blame and not "to put forward a claim": this is also a kind of aggression, which again can pour into a quarrel or a serious conflict. During a quarrel, in principle, you should not try to solve the problem. In the case of most other emotions to cope with them, helps to tell about their feelings. But with anger and anger everything is more complicated. If you are already in the heat of a quarrel and begin to talk about your problems and emotions aggressively, anger can only increase.
Remember that emotion can be "infected"
There is such a relatively studied phenomenon as an emotional infection. This is the unconscious process associated with Empathy: we "intercept" someone else's emotion is not clear, due to facial expressions, gestures, direction of view. Scientists suggest that this can occur even remotely (for example, if watching a video), and the sadness is more "inward" than joy.
Of course, it does not always happen. To happen, a person, "transmitting" to you emotion, must express emotions brighter than you, but not worry about your feelings. Like, for example, a small and desperately fraying child. It is important to notice such moments, take care of your borders, do not succumb to someone else's anger and again try to keep calm.
Do not be afraid to study yourself
Be sure to analyze yourself - after all, worse than it will not be. Watch how your reactions arise: from the situation to emotions, then to a clear thought, wishes to do something and, in the final, real action.
Suppose you got into a traffic jam on the way to an important meeting. First you feel anger, then the chatter to ourselves, then begin to panic ("Horror, I'm late, what will happen now, everything is lost"), then you feel the desire to move in front of standing cars, as in GTA, and in the end, you click on GTA beep.
If you are aiming for a few days over your angrily, you will begin to notice patterns in reactions and their ground fee. For example, experts on emotionally focused therapy noted that anger is often secondary emotion that hides fear, anxiety, shame or guilt. And anger is something like a disguise, like a cover of a pan, under which it will be buried completely different feelings.
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Often the reason for anger and irritation lies not so much in fatigue or hot-temperedness of character, but in deeper problems. Any psychological disorder has a source. To stop angry and irritate in trifles, it is necessary to find the cause of negative emotions.
Aggression is an irrational state, emotion generated by our biological instincts: protection of itself and its offspring. It will give rise to hormones emitted at the time potentially dangerous for us the situation of struggle and confrontation. In society, this position is maintained and can manifest itself in the following sections:
- A tendency to dominate people.
- Not an unemployed desire of destruction.
- Using others for their own purposes, exploitation of their labor.
- The desire for damage.
- Next to violence.
Such manifestations are often bordered with deviant behavior - the desire to violate the rules of the Company. Aggression destroys social relations, the identity of the aggressor. The inability to control their emotions becomes potentially dangerous to society and individual.
Aggressiveness can be laid in temperament - then work on it will be somewhat more complicated. If irritability evolved during the formation of character, a psychologist can identify the cause and work out it. It is easier to get rid of the acquired features than from congenital.
Root causes of negative emotions
Every day we are confronted with stress, negative, the need to defend themselves, it is difficult to keep calm. Each negative emotion begins to accumulate, intensify under the influence of fatigue. Any trifle causes attacks of uncontrollable embitrability, anger.
The problem before reaching the surface, germinates inside. This is a few prerequisites.
- Emotional clamp. There are such situations in life when a person wants for a long time, but can not get: fears public condemnation, is unsure of himself, pays little time. The desire does not pass if you refuse it. A man begins to feel unsatisfied, she constantly rubs himself, restrains emotions, puts barriers. Feelings are accumulated, accumulated.
- Irritation and resentment increase when a person sees those who were able to fulfill their dream, and she even looks like something or completely repeats his own. Each becomes a potential enemy and an object of anger and irritation.
- Without silenting and wishes, a person does not find a better way to join the crowd, finds the unloved job and lives not his life. He no longer realizes that people are not to blame for the fact that he could not realize and fulfill his dream. A harmonious and happy person will not raise aggression and even more so pour it on others.
- The aggressor believes that if he has more money than others, more expensive and beautiful things, a car, apartment, will be happier. Begins a subconscious competition with others. However, this is not at all necessary and does not bring any satisfaction. The image of success and riches in society, imposes its standards, but people still remain unhappy among unnecessary and useless goods.
It is necessary to understand and accept that the cause of irritability is not outside, but inside. There are several recommendations to stop worrying without reason.
Path to correction
When the root of the problem is revealed, you need to be alone with you, deal with your problems, desires, unfulfilled dreams. You should just become happier. It makes it much easier than it is customary to think.
Do not hold on to the unloved job, because you can learn, get a new profession, open your business. Maybe you have a long-standing dream, which you need to carry out: Jump with a parachute, visit your beloved country, master the new hobby. Who truly wants, there are opportunities.
The most important step towards getting rid of aggression will be the adoption of the fact: people around are not to blame for your troubles, unfulfilled dreams and impossible hopes. This will help realize that aggression is inappropriate, not deserved by people.
Practices and exercise
A simple thinking of your behavior helps to get rid of the problem. If it still does not work, do not respond to a person who annoys, you can do several exercises or to change the lifestyle at all.
- If on the way to your dream it is still difficult not to learn from yourself, you can try it to control it. It is important to realize the brewing conflict in time, stop. The flash of anger will pass and give you calmly reconsider the situation.
- To release steam and calm the nerves, you can try the technique - breathing. One of the well-known exercises is "the rule of the square." It is necessary to take a deep breath into four accounts, to delay the breath at the same time, to exhale four accounts and retain breathing again. You can repeat this practice until complete calmness.
- Every morning and evening it is necessary to throw out the accumulated energy and stress. It may be a light jog in the morning and yoga in the evening. Women often helps cleaning, no matter how paradoxically sounded. It can be turned into a cleansing ritual, instead of routine. Performing monotonous, measured actions - rubbing dust, my dishes - can be distracted from the world, think about something pleasant, meditating, and not angry and annoyance because of the mess.
- Lower the level of requirements for people. Often we are angry with others, because they do not fulfill something or do it not as I would like. It is just necessary to accept that people make mistakes, we are also not sinless, and sometimes we need condescension. A person refuses to cooperate and fulfill your tasks because you feel too aggressive and treat them.
- Do not accuse a person, not knowing the root causes. Often we begin to be angry before you heard the explanation from the accused. Girls are most susceptible to prejudice and label hanging. For example, they can up to infinity to reproach their beloved person on trifles, and without sobering in a situation, or invent non-existent problems based on previous unsuccessful experience. Here in the course there is a familiar phrase: "All of you are the same." The only way out is to think logically. Weigh the arguments and try to believe your close man, get up in his place.
- Stop exaggerating and pumping the situation. Near irritation, have a bad property - attract and accumulate. If you leave yourself from fear of being late, then you are late. Everything, as conspicuous, will stand on your way, you will definitely get into traffic. There will be trouble at work, all day will go to the pump. What to do? Exhale. Calm down and stop attracting negative. If you are aware that it is already finally and irrevocably late, release the situation. Because you will experience and get angry, your late will not cancel, so why not calm down and surrender? So there will be more chances to correct the situation and spend the day easily and positive.
- It is necessary to get rid of stress. Take a bath, look at the relaxing movie, spend the weekend with friends or family in a place where they were not yet. Perhaps it is worth changing the routine of the day. The theory was popular about the fact that the rise is most useful until 6 am (4-5 hours). At this time, according to Buddhists, the person is the most harmonious and close to the universe. In this clock, cleaning processes begin in the body, therefore it will be especially useful to drink water, to do yoga and meditation, devote time to yourself while the whole city is sleeping. In this watch, you can perform the most difficult tasks to free day and be proud of yourself.
- Enter a positive attitude into the habit. Everything around can be viewed through the prism of good and positive. It is difficult to imagine when everyone is annoyed, angry and interfere, but everything in the world depends on our perception. If you do not give much importance to the problem, it will not deliver so much discontent and trouble.
You need to become a balanced person to eradicate anger and irritation from life. Individual, having goals, interests who knows the price and going to his dream, is happy. It will no longer generate negative emotions, will be tolerant to others, will cease to condemn them. A harmonious person brings love and joy to the world.
However, a long life in ignorance, malice, unhappiness imposes an imprint on the psyche, so in difficult cases, when a person cannot help himself, it is better to turn to a psychologist. He will find the levers of influence, will explain the situation individually and will select the right measures in order not to irritate the trifles and make your life better.
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How to learn not to irritate people
Each person has a lot of reasons every day to recover and begun. Some angry: I slept again, I did not have time, I lost it, I did not do it. Others blame in their failures around others and break their evil on them.
The first is probably constantly engaged in self-adhesiveness and suffer from low self-esteem, the second is confident in their own infallibility. However, both those and other anger prevents adequate to assess the situation and make a right decision. In addition, hurt words usually talk in an enlightened evil, rash deeds are made, which many are regretted. And far from always the consequences of a stormy quarrel in which the evil attacks are moving, it is possible to fix: the relationship gives a crack.
What to do when the evil is drunk so much that you are about to explode? When it seems that the only way out is to release steam: immediately express everything that booked in the shower? Those who do this, refer to psychologists who do not advise to suppress their emotions. Head emotions inside, not give them output - the path to many diseases, including a heart attack and stroke. But splashing them on others - no way out, because they will not tolerate and answer us the same.
What is anger? This is an emotional disorder that has arisen under the influence of external circumstances. Anger is a destructive feeling, there is no point in it, but she eats us from the inside and causes us some problems.
It is not so difficult to stop becoming angry. Sometimes it happens just one minute. But overcome anger, not to give her completely to take possession of us only we ourselves.
How not to give yourself to turn into an embittered creature?
1. We understand reason
Anger does not arise from scratch, it necessarily has a reason. We listen to yourself and honestly admit that it provoked this emotion. Perhaps, finding the reason, we will stop angry, and start solving the problem, forced us to be nervous?
For example, the colleague is annoying and angry us, we cling to her for each little things and with difficulty constrain in order not to heat. As one of the heroes of the film "Mimino" said: "We have such a personal dislike ... that I can't eat." And the reason is banal: the colleague came in a beautiful new coat.
We are angry that the husband did not fulfill our request, and it was easier to remind him of her.
Thus, we learn less "thinking" with emotions and more - logically.
2. We consider to a hundred
Or until we calm down. This is an old proven way to which few people resort to, the rest consider it too banal. You need to be considered slowly, making deep breaths. Some hurry to finish the bill so that they are so time to have time to throw out irritation and declare: "Erund this method."
3. put yourself in someone else's place
Since the account does not take all our attention, we will have the opportunity to present the consequences awaiting us when we will express our evil complaints. What effect will our words produce? How will our relationship be constructed further? Would you like if we were told in such a tone?
After all, we are not so naive to think that our interlocutor will begin to curve to us in response to us, trying to win the location, and will "wag a tail", as if the dog's guilty. Even if our anger to some extent was justified, negative and aggression will cause exclusively negative and aggression. "What we sleep, then you will get enough", "how it will happen, it will respond," says the proverbs. Our interlocutor will begin to defend themselves - will release claws and set spines. I do not like anyone when it is humiliated.
When we break off, we do not get rid of negative emotions and stress - we only shift them on others. And you should not doubt - the response will come.
So I follow the advice: "If you cannot say anything good, better silent."
4. We accept soup
Of course, this option is good for the house, in other conditions you can use the usual washbasin: we turn on the cold water and rinse the faded face. Will make makeup? Substitute a hand for an ice stream, a whiskey rubbed.
5. We are engaged in work therapy
Often, instead of an evil fire flawed into the shower immediately, we ourselves fuel oil into the fire and throw the rails: remember the old insults and quarrels, we are looking for allies, complaining, we are waiting for sympathy and as a result we only displease ourselves.
Distracting from evil thoughts will help work therapy. Annoyed colleagues? We will focus at work, give cleaning on the desktop. Forcing homemade nervous? Let's wash the window, or extremely dust, or make a wet cleaning, transplan the flowers, check the apartment - Yes, all this is for your favorite music! And we will not note themselves how a miracle will happen - the negative energy will be dissolved by itself, giving way to a positive place.
Do not want to stay at home? Forward on a run or just for a walk: We observe, we consider mentally distracted by the subject that caused the "nerves".
We are not a chronically angry person, just with us, like everyone else, there are periods of exacerbation, when we are particularly acutely reacting to the circumstances. Tired at work, rush home, and here - multi-kilometer traffic jam. What is angry and wind yourself? After all, the problem will not be solved, but we will go home in such a stress that the homemade will not be happy to be our return and scatter in their rooms in order not to run into conflict.
We use the time of forced downtime for relax. Give your favorite photo: there is a girl, or a husband, or a child, and on the reverse side - a positive wish. And we will remove our anger as a hand: we just can not be angry, looking at the expensive face.
7. Positive above all
The world does not rotate exclusively around us, and we are not the only person who is burned by emotions. However, do we like people with frowning and evil persons? Of course not. We try to stay away from them. In the same way, they will begin to treat us if we will grieve, annoyal, hurt and gloom. And in the end, we will remain alone.
The world around us for everyone as he sees him, in general he is neutral. Rasul Gamzatova has a poem:
"Two watched on one window. One saw rain and dirt. Another - foliage green lick, spring and blue sky. One window was watched by two ... ".
What do we choose - dirt or spring, malice or joy? Of course, we want to live in harmony with them, people and peace, and not to be enjoyed and hated. It is said that "the heart of the heart is a constant malice, and the bright beam does not penetrate him ... The sprouts of good, where the darkness and darkness - there is a grave of a man's soul ...".
Reflect the evil thinking, set up to positive it is not easy, and here you need to show perseverance. The result is worth it.
"Lighted your heart from the malice, for never in this world does not destroy hatred, but it is destroyed by the lack of hatred." - Buddhists teach.
We remember that the strongest weapon for all occasions is a smile.
© Temoshenko Elena, BBF.RU